Iridescent
by AzureEmerald
Summary: The beach house was completely quiet, with the only sounds to be heard in the smothering silence being those emanating from the storm outside. Pearl turned to glance up at the loft. Through the inky darkness, she could just make out a small figure resting on the bed. She let out a despondent sigh, painfully aware that things were never going to be the same, for any of them.


_A/N: Hey guys, surprise oneshot! This is something I've wanted to write for a while and I finally got it finished. The idea for this actually came from a rather depressing comic by passionpeachy on Tumblr. Make to sure to strap in though because this a long one. And a very sad one, so I hope you're emotionally prepared. Enjoy friends! Consider this an early holiday gift!_

 _Also, this is meant to take place after the Cluster has been dealt with, so it's sort of an AU type of thing. You'll probably figure it out as you read, I just wanted to clarify. Regardless, it's completely separate from my other story._

* * *

Pearl rested her arms on the wooden railing of the porch, her gaze directed skyward to the dark, billowing clouds overhead.

The pale Gem let out a dejected sigh. She had hoped the stars would be out tonight but with a storm rolling in, that just didn't seem to be the case. Viewing the planet's evening sky on a calm, clear night always helped bring her a sense of ease and comfort. Something she desperately needed at the moment…

The pale Gem's eyes began to water for what felt like the umpteenth time that day, a choked sob escaping her. She hastily brought one of her hands up to cover her mouth as she screwed her eyes shut. Despite her best efforts to keep them contained, the tears began streaming down her face, dampening her cheeks and further reddening the bags below her eyes. It seemed like she would never get out of this…this cycle of desolation.

Upon reopening her eyes, Pearl directed her gaze down toward the beach. The remnants of a large, golden warship were still scattered amongst the sand, some of the smaller fragments having since been dragged into the ocean, ultimately disappearing beneath the waves. The pale Gem's memories of the recent battle were mostly a blur. All she could clearly recall was the unmistakable sound of a gemstone shattering before she had blacked out, the strain of the battle finally proving to be too much for her physical form.

Pearl allowed the tears to continue trailing down her cheeks in small rivets, seemingly lost in a trance-like state.

Once she had regenerated a week later, about half the time it typically took her, Garnet had told her everything she'd needed to know…

* * *

 _"Garnet, what happened?" The pale Gem questioned their team's leader. "And where are the others?" She glanced around the house, abruptly taking notice of a small form in the loft up above, seemingly resting under the covers of the bed._

 _'Oh, well there's Steven. At least he's doing alright.' Pearl contentedly thought to herself._

 _The fusion in question, typically so stoic and calm, lifted one of her hands to wipe away the tears that were currently flowing down from underneath her visor._

 _"Pearl…" She began, her normally steady voice wavering just slightly. "There's something you need to see."_

 _The pale Gem could feel a dreadful sense of panic building up within her. Garnet was…crying? What exactly had transpired in her absence?_

 _Garnet led her over to the Temple door, lifting her hands up as she always did when she entered the Burning Room. The door opened in its usual manner as the fusion beckoned Pearl to follow._

 _The pale Gem briefly glanced around the chamber, silently observing the bubbled Gems currently housed within it. Pearl wondered if any of them were from the recent battle. She was particularly interested in possibly locating the Rutilated Quartz that had headed the Homeworld warship. If they weren't here in the Burning Room, the only other alternative fate Pearl could think of for them was small shards scattered along the beach, intermingled with the ship's wreckage. Or perhaps they had been washed away by the tides._

 _The pale Gem snapped herself out of her thoughts as Garnet finally stopped in front of a bubble in the far corner of the room, completely isolated from the others. She gently took it into her hands, handling it as if it were the most fragile object on Earth. The fusion simply stood there for a few moments, glancing down at the bubble held in her hands. Pearl took notice of the way her form visibly trembled._

 _"Garnet…?"_

 _Then it hit her. She had heard a gemstone shattering just before retreating into her own gem! And by the way the fusion was behaving, it had to be someone they knew._

 _Then that meant…the bubble Garnet was currently holding had to contain gem fragments of some sort…Were they Peridot's, or possibly even Amethyst's?_

 _'Oh no…please no. They're both such young Gems…'_

 _Pearl felt her hands automatically move upwards to cover her mouth. She began to feel as close to ill as a Gem like her possibly could as the tears automatically began to fall. She braced herself as best she could for the heartbreaking disclosure._

 _But not enough._

 _Garnet took a deep breath before slowly turning to face her teammate, the bubble now on display in front of her. Time seemed to come to a standstill as Pearl's eyes rested on the item in Garnet's gentle but powerful grasp._

 _'No…'_

 _They were definitely Gem shards, as she had expected. But…they were neither purple nor green._

 _They were bright pink._

 _'Oh, please no…'_

 _For what felt like an eternity, Pearl's gaze remained fixed on the bubbled remnants. No matter how much she may have wanted to, she found herself incapable of looking away from them as her mind attempted as best it could to comprehend just what it was she was seeing._

 _Garnet once again brought one of her hands up to her own face, this time removing her visor rather than simply wiping the tears away. She didn't even bother for the moment. She was meant to be the strong one of the group, but even the strongest leaders had their limits..._

 _After a few more moments passed, Pearl's face suddenly contorted in complete and total anguish as she fell to her knees. She shakily brought her hands out in front of her, firmly resting them on both sides of the bubble as her eyes took on a glazed over appearance. Her tears were obscuring her vision, but it was clear who it was she was holding._

 _"S-Steven…?" Pearl found herself looking up toward the fusion in the hopes that this had to be some terrible nightmare. That it wasn't real._

 _Garnet stood silently. Her three eyes were screwed shut and her were hands balled into fists at her side. She clenched her teeth as the tears refused to let up. After a few seconds had passed, she nodded dejectedly._

 _The pale Gem returned her gaze to the shards. No, this couldn't be. She had just seen Steven resting up in his loft._

 _He was okay!_

 _H-He had to be okay!_

 _Pearl broke down completely, suddenly unable to find the strength to sit up as she hunched over before collapsing onto her side. She clutched the fragments of her dear child as close as possible, painfully conscious of the fact that they were all she had left of him... The tears came in full force, not showing any signs of letting up anytime soon._

 _'H-How did this happen…? Why did this have to happen…? This wasn't supposed to happen!'_

 _She let out an anguished, mournful cry as the agonizing despair of the situation continued to sink further into every fiber of her being._

 _Her baby was gone. Shattered. Never to be held protectively in her arms ever again._

 _Garnet crouched down next to her teammate. Gently, she lifted the other's upper body off the ground, bringing her close. She held the pale Gem in a firm, comforting hug, with Steven's bubbled remnants resting between them in Pearl's arms. The thin Gem buried her face in Garnet's chest, weeping uncontrollably. The fusion did the best she could for the other, running her fingers through her hair in an attempt to console her._

 _Anytime Pearl would think the tears were about to cease, she would glance down to the bubble and her lamentation would begin all over again. It seemed like a never-ending cycle._

 _Eventually, the saline drops of fluid at last began to slow to a stop. Despite the sheer emotional pain she was in, her human construct just couldn't seem to produce any more tears. She stayed in Garnet's embrace for an indiscernible amount of time before finally attempting to speak._

 _"D-Do the others k-know?" Her voice wavered as she glanced up to the other Gem, the fusion's three eyes reflecting the light emanating from the burner in the center of the room. It brought Pearl a small sense of comfort, filling her with warmth._

 _Garnet glanced back down to her, a sigh escaping her. "Yes, the others are already aware." She wiped away a couple more tears. "Amethyst has been in her room since it happened… Peridot has been up in the loft."_

 _Pearl nodded in understanding, resting her heard against the fusion's chest as her eyes kept drifting to Steven's shards. Despite the overwhelming sorrow she felt when looked at them, she marveled at how bright they still shone, almost iridescent in the fire pit's light._

 _Her grip tightened on them, not daring to let go._

 _"I-I see." Another sob tore through her. "A-Amethyst is probably trying to a-avoid it all." She sniffled._

 _"Yes… Peridot too. She hasn't moved from Steven's bed even once." Garnet rested one of her hands on the bubble in Pearl's arms, gently caressing it and wishing their little boy could somehow still hear them._

 _"They're b-both so young, especially Peridot. I suppose It's only natural they'd w-want to be left alone." Pearl let out another sniffle._

 _Garnet made a small sound of acknowledgement. "We're going to have to help them through this, Pearl."_

 _The pale Gem screwed her eyes shut. "I-I know." She gently rested Steven's shards on her lap, bringing her arms up to wrap them around the fusion's neck. "How did this happen…?"_

 _"Peridot can tell you, if you can convince her to speak to you. Amethyst and I didn't see what actually happened. We heard screaming and turned around…." She glanced down to the bubble. "It was t-too late for him…" The fusion's voice wavered at the mention of Steven's passing, though she continued her recollection of the event as best she could._

 _Garnet's voice then took on a much more livid tone. "All I remember is us shattering that Quartz and nearly every other Homeworld soldier that we laid our eyes on!" She calmed herself almost immediately, knowing that now was not the time to show her anger. "They were all dust after Sugilite finished with them. It only seemed appropriate to return the favor..."_

 _The two Gems remained silent for a while, simply resting against one another with Steven's remnants between them._

 _"Garnet, it is doubtful that will be the last ship they'll send…" Pearl spoke up, once again glancing down to the bubble resting in her lap, a look of longing in her eyes. Oh, how she wanted nothing more than to hold her baby tightly in her arms again._

 _The fusion murmured in agreement. "I know. The loss of a ship that size won't go unnoticed by Yellow Diamond."_

 _"And there's still the issue of Malachite."_

 _"Yes. But none of us are in any state to deal with those threats at the moment, Pearl. We have to help each other make it through this first."_

 _"H-How can we go on…without Steven?" The pale Gem questioned, her current emotional state convincing her that such an option was simply unfeasible._

 _"I…I don't know. Bur we're going to have to try. It…" She let out a shaky breath. "It is what Steven would want…"_

 _Pearl felt her eyes beginning to water again as she stared off into space. "Y-Yes." She agreed in an equally unsteady tone. "I will try talking to Peridot." She glanced up at the fusion once more. "C-Can I trust you to get through to Amethyst?"_

 _Garnet offered her a sad smile. "I can try. For Steven." She took Pearl's hand in hers, resting the back of it on the bubble protecting the remnants of their much-loved child. The pale Gem squeezed the fusion's hand in return._

 _"For Steven…"_

* * *

Pearl was suddenly snapped out of her reverie by an unexpected boom of thunder. It took her a few more moments to realize that it was storming, the raindrops obscuring her tears from view.

That exchange between her and Garnet had occurred a couple days ago. She was still in a mild state of shock from the whole thing and yet she knew her and the fusion still had to remain strong, for the sake of the younger members of the team. As it was, none of them had any idea what the future would hold for them without Steven.

If Pearl was honest, she was finding it somewhat difficult to care in her current state of mind…

Another clap of thunder sounded, this one directly overhead. Deciding there was no reason to remain outside in such a tempest, Pearl turned to head back indoors.

The beach house was completely quiet, with the only sounds to be heard in the smothering silence being those emanating from the storm outside. As more tears escaped from the corners of her reddened eyes, Pearl turned to glance up at the loft. Through the inky darkness, she could just make out a small figure resting on the bed, not having moved from the spot for over a week now. She let out a despondent sigh, painfully aware that things were never going to be the same, for any of them.

Nevertheless, they would all have to find a way to cope in the long-run.

Pearl slowly and quietly made her way up to the loft. With the obvious exception of the bed, it looked virtually untouched. Everything was still in its usual place, almost as if Steven had just been up here earlier this morning.

The pale Gem halted her thoughts. ' _No more tears Pearl… At least, not right now. Be strong, for Steven.'_

Pearl kneeled down next to the bedside, in a fashion similar to when she had routinely watched her little boy rest the night away.

He'd always looked so peaceful when he slept…

Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, Pearl gently peeled back the duvet, uncovering the small, vulnerable form of Peridot, curled up into a fetal position.

The dried tear tracks on the poor Gem's face were enough to let Pearl know she was hurting.

"Oh, Peridot…" The pale Gem sighed, bringing her hand up to gently stroke the young technician's hair. Over a year ago, she'd have never done something like this. And yet, here she was. She'd certainly come a long way from her days of relentlessly pursuing the green Gem. They'd all come a long way.

Pearl glimpsed over the technician's face. Aside from the dried tears, her expression was peaceful for the moment but she couldn't imagine it had been that way a week ago.

The poor thing had lost her best friend.

On many occasions, Pearl had taken notice of how much Steven and Peridot had bonded after the Cluster had been defeated, when things had finally begun to calm down. The two would frequently marathon that ridiculous _Crying Breakfast Friends_ show together, oftentimes being joined by Amethyst.

Other times, the two would stay up late into the night reading over different books about Earth, Peridot always being eager to learn more about the planet's erratic behavior and bizarre phenomena. Pearl had gone up to the loft on more than one occasion just to see the two sprawled out asleep right next to one another, a book about geology or weather still sitting open not far from them.

The two of them had started to seem more akin to _siblings_ than former enemies.

Pearl didn't cease in her caressing. The pain the other was experiencing couldn't have been much different from her own…

The pale Gem found herself reminiscing on the other time in her life when she and the others had experienced losing a loved one. The loss of Rose had been horribly painful, especially for Pearl herself. And yet, she could find comfort in the fact that Rose had been so happy in her last moments, blessing them with the cherished boy they'd all grown to love so much.

Pearl let out a choked sob, unable to help herself. _'And now he's gone…My baby is gone…'_

The pale Gem held back the tears as best she could. No matter how much Pearl knew she was hurting, she had to try to bring some form of comfort to the young technician. Gems obviously didn't need to partake in any of the biological activities common to humans and other organic lifeforms, but she knew this severe lack of social interaction couldn't be healthy for Peridot's mental or emotional state.

Pearl's thoughts were interrupted when Peridot let out a small, almost pained whimper. It took Pearl a few moments to realize that the smaller Gem had something held tightly to her. Some sort of fabric it looked like.

The pale Gem took a closer look and immediately recognized it as one of Steven's shirts.

She felt the tears threatening to claw their way to freedom once again. If there was an image out there that best reflected the definition of loneliness, it was this; a young Gem clutching tightly to one of the only remnants of her best friend and surrogate brother, dried tears still staining her cheeks.

The sight was hard to look at without being _moved_ to tears.

Peridot's whimpering slowly began to increase in volume, threatening to develop into full-blown sobs.

 _'Must be a nightmare.'_ Pearl thought sadly to herself, ready to rouse the other from her slumber if the need arose.

* * *

 _Peridot stood alongside Steven and the other Gems, facing the golden ship across from them, its surface reflecting the setting sun on the horizon. She and Steven had recently completed their task of warning and helping evacuate Beach City's residents. The familiarity of the situation was not lost on either of them The whole stress of it all had tired them both out, Steven especially._

 _After a few tense moments, a Rutilated Quartz stepped forward from the scouting ship, regarding the small group with a look of callousness._

 _Peridot recognized that expression. The lifeless gaze of any Homeworld Gem blindly doing what the Authority demanded of them._

 _It was a look she herself had commonly worn at one point in her life. And it was a time she was happy with not remembering._

 _"Hmm, so this is where you've been." The Quartz commander addressed her in a smooth, orotund tone of voice. She regarded the star on Peridot's uniform with an ugly sneer. "Working with the enemy, it seems. "The Homeworld Gem flipped her large mane of auburn hair to the side, a light tan, marquise gemstone visible on her left shoulder._

 _Peridot, though practically shaking in both anticipation and fear, managed a glare at the other. The Quartz continued, clearly unfazed by her feeble attempt at intimidation._

 _"Well, I suppose it doesn't matter. Regardless, Yellow Diamond has ordered me to retrieve you and take you back to Homeworld, along with that little abomination beside you. She'll certainly want to take a look at it."_

 _She took a couple steps closer, her tan skin flecked with crisscrossing, needle-like patterns, all in varying shades of brown. Her stature was just slightly smaller than many of the Quartz Gems Peridot had seen on Homeworld but she was still imposing nonetheless._

 _At the Quartz Gem's words, the Crystal Gems immediately went on the defensive and brandished their weapons. Steven gave her a determined glare, ready to summon his shield whenever necessary. Again, the commander seemed unfazed at the display._

 _"I would say to prepare your logs to present to her, but it seems you no longer have access to them." She stated, observing the technician's missing limb enhancers. "Typical. Yellow Diamond should have known better than to send a Peridot to perform such an important task. But don't worry. It doesn't matter, as Yellow Diamond will find much more use out of your shards after she personally shatters you."_

 _Peridot's eyes widened. They really were planning to shatter her for failing her assigned mission. The other Gems stood in front of both her and Steven, having no intention of letting such a thing happen._

 _The Quartz reached her right hand up to hover over her gemstone. The marquise gem began to glow brightly as she pulled out what looked to be a small, folded crossbow. The weapon immediately unfolded to its full size, a bolt manifesting itself in the perfect position for firing. The commander held the weapon out in front of her with one hand, aiming it directly at the group._

 _"Now, we can do this one of two ways." She stated eerily. "Hand over both the Peridot and the hybrid there, and we'll leave peacefully. If you choose to fight..." A small, golden flame erupted from the tip of the crossbow bolt. "…we will gladly oblige."_

 _Garnet spoke up. "If you actually expect us to comply with your demands..." She brought her two gauntlets together in an attempt at intimidation. "…then you're just as much a fool as the Authority themselves."_

 _The Rutilated Quartz gave a small smirk. "I admire your fearlessness, though I suppose it should be expected coming from a war machine. It will be a shame to have to shatter a strong fighter such as yourself."_

 _The commander lifted her crossbow to the sky, firing the lit bolt into the air. Shortly after, a small group of about a dozen Homeworld soldiers began to appear from the ship, each brandishing their own weapons. All of them appeared to be melee fighters, with only the commander having access to a ranged weapon._

 _Everything seemed to grind to a halt as both sides bided their time, anticipating the other's actions. The Rutilated Quartz made the first move, materializing another flaming bolt and firing it directly at the group. Steven had already been prepared to act, summoning his shield in order to defend his family._

 _Garnet turned to them. "Pearl, you make sure to stay with Steven and Peridot. Amethyst, it's you and me." She held her hand out to the purple Gem, who glanced at it for only a second before firmly grabbing it with her own, giving her leader a determined grin. The two became engulfed in a bright, blinding light, emerging from it as Sugilite. Steven defused his shield immediately after._

 _Peridot looked at the new fusion with a look of astonishment, having never seen Garnet and Amethyst fuse before now. However, she quickly snapped out of her trance when Pearl began speaking._

 _"Right. Steven. Peridot. You two stay behind me. If things start to get ugly, run."_

 _Sugilite summoned her flail, swiping it across the ground in front of her. Many of the Quartz soldiers, still in a mild state of shock from the unexpected fusion tactic, were knocked back from the harsh blow. Most of them were back on their feet in a matter of moments, aiming for the massive fusion's legs in the hopes of bringing her down. Others, Peridot noticed, began heading straight for their small group._

 _"Pearl…" She managed to squeak out._

 _The pale Gem brandished her spear with confidence, impaling one of the soldiers, a Citrine, straight through the abdomen, likely not having expected a Pearl such as herself to be able to put up much of a fight. The Quartz Gem retreated into her gemstone immediately._

 _A Carnerlian swiped at her with her broadsword, Pearl's high dexterity allowing her to dodge with ease, spearing the soldier through the upper torso. An Aventurine and a Fire Agate quickly took the other soldier's place, both teaming up on the pale Gem._

 _Peridot quickly grabbed a hold of Steven's arm, attempting to drag him away from the battle as Pearl had previously instructed. She knew his safety was top priority, for both the Crystal Gems and herself._

 _"Steven, come on! You heard Pearl! We need to get out of here!"_

 _Steven was having none of it. "We can't just leave her like this!" He immediately broke off from his friend's frantic grasp, running straight for the other Gems. Peridot, at a loss of what to do, followed after him._

 _The boy summoned a smaller version of his shield, tossing it at the Aventurine just as she was about to bring her mace down on Pearl's form._

 _The emerald-colored Gem recoiled slightly at the sudden assault, looking more annoyed than harmed. She began trudging towards Peridot and Steven, leaving her comrade to deal with Pearl. Steven brought up his shield as soon as the Aventurine reached them. She regarded the pink safeguard with an irritated expression before bringing her mace down onto it, testing its strength._

 _Peridot, knowing this strategy wouldn't work for them forever, grabbed her surrogate brother once again, leading them further over to the cliff the lighthouse rested on in the hopes of finding some cover. The Aventurine followed after them, raising her mace once again as Steven summoned his shield just in time. Peridot could tell her friend was tiring from the repeated action, taking notice of the sweat beading on his forehead._

 _The emerald-colored Gem struck the shield one final time, causing it to dispel instantly. Steven looked ready to collapse. She raised her weapon again, preparing to knock the two cornered Gems out so they could be easily captured._

 _She didn't get the chance as a familiar white spear pierced through her front. She glanced down in subdued shock before disappearing in a plume of green smoke, her gemstone falling to the ground. Pearl stood not far behind her in a throwing position, breathing heavily and covered in abrasions and lacerations. There was no blood, obviously, but there may as well have been. The pale Gem wasn't in good shape._

 _"Pearl?" Steven managed to get out as she collapsed in front of them, not far from their spot next to the cliff._

 _Both Peridot and Steven ran forward to check over her, noticing the Fire Agate that she had previously been combatting was nowhere to be seen, likely having retreated into her gem already. Steven kneeled down next to her, Peridot following his lead. She could tell the pale Gem was close to retreating but was still holding on as best she could. The technician secretly had to admire just how resilient Pearl really was._

 _Peridot suddenly heard the sound of something catching flame, quickly turning to her right to see the Rutilated Quartz not far away from them, apparently having decided to sneak away from the fight against Sugilite. She had her crossbow aimed right for her triangular gem._

 _"I know Yellow Diamond wanted to deal with you herself…" The Quartz breathed heavily, clearly having taken a bit of a beating. The commander seemed to know she was outmatched with Sugilite still out on the field. "…but I think I should save her the trouble. Maybe if I can shatter you, she won't do the same to me for failing to capture that little hybrid abomination."_

 _She fired the bolt and time seemed to slow down. Peridot was too far gone in a state of shock to react, barely registering the sound of someone shouting her name._

 _"Peridot!"_

 _'Steven.'_

 _The boy had gotten to his feet and ran directly in front of her. The way his arms were spread out indicated that he was planning on summoning his shield once again._

 _But it didn't appear._

 _Peridot could only watch as the flaming bolt shot right through the boy's gemstone, shattering it instantly, Steven suddenly vanishing in a cloud of pink dust and rose petals._

 _Everything seemed to be moving in slow-motion._

 _The bolt narrowly missed hitting Peridot as well but she couldn't even begin to care about that fact. All she could focus on at the moment was someone screaming, all other audio seeming to be muted, like she was underwater._

 _It took the green Gem a few moments to realize the awful noise was coming from her._

 _"Steven!" She collapsed to her knees, her eyes glazed over at the sight of the pink fragments now littering the ground. One of the rose petals fluttered by her. She held her hand out, allowing it land in her open palm, only for it to suddenly disappear in a small puff of pink smoke. She could feel the tears streaming down her cheeks in rivets, unable to process what had just happened. Or how to react to it._

 _Her mind simply settled on agonized screaming._

 _Sugilite suddenly turned away from two of the only remaining Homeworld soldiers, noticing that Steven was nowhere to be seen. Her eyes rested on Peridot, having heard the green Gem's cries. They then shot to the Rutilated Quartz commander, her weapon still aimed in front of her, a look of shock on her face. The fusion put two and two together._

 _'No…'_

 _She caught the glimmer of small shards on the beach, directly in front of Peridot. Their color was unmistakable._

 _Sugilite suddenly let out an enraged war cry, bringing her flail down on top of one of the unfortunate soldiers, shattering her into dust. The fusion wasn't content with just knocking them to the side anymore._

 _Sugilite flat out stomped her foot on the other Gem, the soldier suffering the same fate as her comrade. The fusion charged directly over to the commander, making sure to purposely trample any other Homeworld soldiers or gems littering the beach. The Rutilated Quartz barely even had time to snap out of her shock-induced stupor before Sugilite's flail came down right on top of her, crushing her instantly._

 _The fusion split apart immediately after, both Amethyst and Garnet running over to a still shrieking Peridot. The purple Gem made sure to grab Pearl's gemstone on the way, holding it close to her. Garnet crouched down next to the green Gem._

 _"What…h-happened?"_

 _Peridot, still crouched on the ground, held her palms out to the other two Gems, the pink fragments she'd gathered up now fully visible to both of them. She let out another tormented sob._

 _"He's gone! Steven's gone!"_

 _"Peridot…" She heard one of the Gems mutter, though she couldn't be bothered to figure out who at the moment._

 _"He's gone and it's all my fault!"_

 _The green Gem couldn't even bring herself to look at them as she sobbed even harder, feeling completely broken. Her best friend was gone… He was gone…_

 _"Peridot."_

* * *

"Peridot, wake up." Pearl muttered quietly, hoping to rouse the distressed Gem from her nightmare with gentle prodding. The poor thing's initially quiet sobs had grown louder as time passed and it was clear to Pearl that she was having a night terror.

She shook Peridot a little more forcefully, causing the young technician's eyes to shoot open, her breathing frantic. Despite the sudden scare, the technician remained in her curled position on her right side, unable to find the will to move even if it was a potential threat. She looked up at the pale Gem but remained silent, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Hey." Pearl moved from the floor so that she sat on the edge of the bed, one leg folded up on the bed while the other remained on the floor as she faced the little Gem. "Are you doing alright?"

A clap of thunder sounded, indicating the storm still raging outside, though it went unnoticed by both Gems for the time being.

Peridot screwed her eyes shut, her hands clutching tighter to Steven's old shirt. "What do y-you think?" Her voice trembled slightly, the memory still fresh in her mind.

Pearl let out a small sigh. "Peridot, I know you're hurting. Believe me, we all are." She brought her hand down to the smaller Gem's hair, resuming the comforting stroking motion she'd used earlier. "But you're a Crystal Gem too. If you need to talk to someone, we're all here for you. I'm here for you."

Under normal circumstances, the technician would have immediately objected to such a suggestion in favor of being left to her own devices. She also would have swatted the other Gem's hand away from her. This time around however, she knew the pale Gem's words were true. That and she was too emotionally exhausted to even bother resisting.

"What specific t-topic did you want to converse about exactly…?" Peridot's eyes opened again, glancing back down to the shirt in her grasp. She brought it up closer to her tear-stained face, the familiar fabric bringing her comfort.

Pearl allowed a sad smile to cross her features, somewhat surprised Peridot was willing to speak with her. "Well, that nightmare you were having seems like a good place to begin."

More tears streamed down the little Gem's face, slowly soaking Steven's shirt. "You mean…what happened to Steven…"

The pale Gem nodded hesitantly, unsurprised to know that was what Peridot had been dreaming about. She felt fluid building up in the corners of her eyes, knowing this wouldn't be an easy thing to hear… She sniffled, wiping away a couple of tears.

"Y-Yes, I retreated to my gem shortly before the battle ended. Garnet told me you were the only one who saw what happened…"

Peridot immediately choked back another sob. "T-That's because it was all my fault…"

Pearl looked confused by the little Gem's confession. "Now Peridot, you know that isn't true. This was nobody's fault…"

The green Gem buried her face into Steven's shirt. "Yes it was! That Quartz was going to kill me but Steven jumped in front of me!" Her voice wavered, its pitch randomly fluctuating in volume from the emotional strain. "The bolt went right through his gem!"

Her voice was somewhat muffled by the fabric but Pearl could still make out her words. The pale Gem felt more tears trailing down her cheeks but paid them no mind for the moment.

"But… He could have just summoned his shield…"

"He tried!" Peridot interjected, now visibly trembling as the tears continued to soak the material in her grasp. "He must have b-been too exhausted to… And he knew that but he took the risk anyway! For me! Why would he do that!? My life wasn't worth him giving up _his_!"

The little Gem dissolved into tears entirely, barely able to speak coherently by the end of her outburst.

Pearl remained silent, a look of shock on her face. _'So, that was what happened… No wonder she hasn't moved from this spot for over a week…'_

The guilt she had to be feeling…

More tears trailed down her face. "Peridot…"

"It's all m-my fault!" She cried out again, completely hysterical. It hurt so much. The technician had experienced her share of physical harm, but emotional pain was another matter entirely. It was… crippling…

Pearl gently lifted the other Gem up from her curled position, mimicking the method Garnet had used to comfort her in the Burning Room a couple days ago. Rather than just her upper body though, Peridot was small enough that the pale Gem could rest her in her lap.

Pearl gently wrapped her arms around the little Gem, continuing to caress Peridot's hair as she allow her to rest against her chest while she cried herself out. Pearl could feel her outfit being soaked but that certainly didn't bother her.

The green Gem buried her face in Pearl's chest, thankful for the security and comfort. She quietly muttered something against the pale Gem, though Pearl couldn't quite make it out.

"What was that?"

"I-I want Steven back…"

Pearl's eyes screwed shut as a quiet sob escaped from her. "I know. I do too, Peridot." Her voice became more and more shaky. "T-That's all I-I want too…" She rested her head on Peridot's shoulder, holding her close.

"I-I should have been able to do something... But a-all I could do was just sit there and watch it happen!" She brought Steven's shirt up to her face again, nuzzling into the fabric as more tears dampened it, darkening its normally pink coloration.

Pearl allowed the silence to remain for a short time, regaining her composure before speaking up again.

"Peridot." She lifted her head from the other's shoulder. She placed her pale hand under the young Gem's chin, gently prompting her to look her in the eyes. Peridot did just that, albeit with some reluctance.

"I want you to know that this is _nobody's_ fault. None of us could have ever known this would happen. But I can tell you that Steven would not regret his decision."

Peridot's head tilted just slightly, obviously wanting her to elaborate on what she was saying.

"Steven was just like his mother, always putting his family and others before himself." Pearl turned to view the familiar painting of Rose Quartz hanging above the entrance to the house. "Rose gave up her physical form to bring Steven into this world." She allowed a sad smile of reminiscence to cross her features. "And, in a way, Steven gave up his in order to keep you in it."

Peridot's eyes widened slightly, shimmering with tears. Pearl continued.

"He really was just like his mother… right until the very end." She allowed to her eyes to close in an expression of peaceful acceptance. "It isn't right that Steven had to pass away so young, but I know he would want us to be strong for him."

Peridot let out a small, subdued scoff. "Easier said than done…"

Pearl nodded in agreement. "Yes, it will be difficult. It might even seem impossible at times. But we will find a way to move on…" The pale Gem's eye's fell on a photo on Steven's bedside table, one with all of them, together as a family. "…even if he isn't with us physically."

The green Gem buried her face back in Pearl's chest, her grasp automatically tightening on Steven's shirt once again.

"But, he taught us all so much. We'll keep his memory alive…"

Peridot remained silent but Pearl could feel her nod against her. The two stayed like that for a while longer before the smaller Gem spoke up.

"Can we… go see him?" Peridot would have normally cringed at herself for sounding so childish but in this instance she didn't care. She would always make an exception for Steven.

"Yes… I think that would be a nice thing to do."

The two untangled themselves from one another before making their way downstairs, Peridot still clutching Steven's shirt tightly to her.

At that moment, the Temple door opened, Garnet walking through it into the main part of the house. She beckoned them over to her, making her way back into the Burning Room. Pearl and Peridot followed after, noticing Amethyst ahead of them.

The purple Gem turned to acknowledge at them as Pearl and Peridot stood beside her. It was clear from her expression that she'd probably been crying as much as they had. She didn't address them with a snarky greeting like she normally would, instead just offering them a half-hearted smile.

Garnet made her way back over to the small group, Steven's bubbled shards in her gentle grip.

They all gathered around the remnants of their fallen family member, tears visible on everyone's faces as they moved in for a group hug, with Steven situated between them. Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Peridot all stayed in each other's arms for an indiscernible amount of time, hesitant to break away from the comforting embrace.

Eventually, Garnet was the one to end it, returning Steven to his proper spot in the chamber. Peridot and Amethyst left the room together, the former still clutching tightly to the now soaked piece of fabric in her grasp. Amethyst had her arm wrapped around the smaller Gem. Pearl could clearly see them both wiping away a few more tears from their eyes.

It was going to take everyone a long time to recover from something like this…

The pale Gem turned back to her leader. "Garnet?" She wiped a few more tears away from her own eyes. "Are you coming?"

The fusion nodded. "I'll be out in a moment."

"A-Alright, we'll be in the living area."

Garnet watched her disappear behind the closing Temple door before turning back to Steven's fragments once again. She lifted one of her hands back up to the bubble, resting her palm on it.

"We're going to miss you, Steven…" She gently held onto the bubble for a few more minutes, reluctant to leave. After a while though, she hesitantly turned to leave the chamber.

The fusion couldn't prevent herself from glancing back one more time. The pink fragments still looked so luminous in comparison to the bubbled Gems across the room from them. "I promise, we'll find a way to help you." Garnet felt a small, saddened smile cross her lips. "I love you, Steven… We all do..."

With those final words, the fusion left the Burning Room, the door closing after her. Steven's shards didn't lose their luster, still iridescent against the scorching light of the chamber's fire pit.

* * *

 _A/N: Nothing is sacred. This is by far the most depressing thing I've ever written but I must admit I'm quite proud of how it ultimately turned out. Hope you enjoyed reading it! I know how much most of my readers love angst. And yeah, I may or may not have been listening to a certain song with a very similar title to this story while I was writing it. It really helped keep the creative juices flowing, as music is quite a big source of inspiration for me. Please let me know what you thought. I'd love to hear what everyone has to say. See you all next time!_


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